my thoughts on life and God

Friday, October 28, 2005

What was it about Encounter Thursday Night?

Was it the spirit of brokeness in the prayer meeting before encounter began?

Was it seeing the humility of Rita and the awesome expression of Christ through her leading us in worship?

Was it the boldness in Matt's voice?

Was it the realization that 3,000 people come to know the Lord every hour?

Was it seeing the black girl crying because she had twenty white people lay hands on her and pray for her?

Was it the black guy that Matt called up on stage to be prayed for? I thought the way everyone hugged and embraced him that everyone knew him. Iit was his first night at Encounter.

Was it the row of guys behind me that at first were uncomfortable with the whole prayer thing- and then towards the end they were the ones readily laying hands on those around them to pray?

Was it the girl who I didn't know that came up and prayed over me that God's light would shine in and through me?

Was it the tall guy on the front row with his long arms outstretched in total surrender?

Was it the song "You are my Hero"?

Was it the sweet time of communion?

Leaving in the middle of the communion time was hard for me...... because I knew that the place was going to errupt in a total outburst of praise. And so I hear that it did just that.

But pondering the whole evening on my way home to my babies i kept tring to pinpoint what it was that was so special about Thursday night.

My conclusion:
It was a gift of grace from the Holy Spirit who allowed us to experience to "encounter" Jesus and to give us a glimpse of his empowering ways.

You see.....
It's his way to be broken and spilled out.

It's his way to be humble and its his way to be bold.

It's his way to save people and its way to touch the hearts of those who feel all alone in a crowd.

It's his way to unify his people.

It's his way to get us out of our comfort zones and its his way to teach us how to pray for each other.

It's his way to express his love to us through outstretched arms and it's his way to be all we ever need....to be our hero.

It's totally his way to commune with his people to become one with us.

And its totally his way to cause everything within us to want to praise him in total abandon.

The ways of Jesus are so drawing, so attractive, beckoning me to want more, to need more, to long for more of my hero and all that makes him so good.

I enjoyed experiencing him in such a special way with you.....my community.

Psalm 8:2

From the lips of children and infants you
have ordained praise because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger. Psalm 8:2

Amazing.......As i stood at the back of the room watching my little two year old raise his hands in worship this verse popped into my head. You see from our limited perspective (all of us who were watching this sweet moment) all we could see was a little boy watching the people in front of him and imitating what he saw. But in the spiritual realm the Lord in His greatness ordained that moment of praise not only for his glory but because of his enemies to silence the foe and the avenger.

That just blows me away! Wow, at how awesome our God is!


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Choose Wisely

Talked with a girl tonight before Encounter who was desperately seeking wisdom on what I thought about her dating a guy who is Muslim.

My heart broke for her because I knew that she really cared alot about this guy and that he cared deeply for her. I gently told her the truth.

I was praying for her the whole time Matt was speaking. For those of you who were not there he spoke on Christian marriage tonight. It was as if he was speaking directly to her.

I want to encourage you girls to be so careful who you date and who you allow yourself to get emotionally involved with. I remember my mom telling me this very thing because it is so easy and so possible to fall deeply in love with a guy that is not best for you.
I fear that is what has happened with this dear girl I am talking about. It is so hard to accept truth when you have already fallen hard. There is so much at stake for not only this girl but for all who are in an unhealthy dating relationship. Your legacy, your children, your grandchildren, and so forth and so on are at stake. As you are reading in community groups- we are a part of a bigger picture. Your life and how you choose matters!! I could not imagine raising my boys with a husband who was not deeply in love with Jesus. I could not imagine sharing my life emotionally, physically, and spiritually with someone who did not believe in Jesus. Please pray for our sister in Christ that she will listen to the Holy Spirit as he has spoken very specifically to her tonight. Pray that she will have the courage to trust Him. Pray that the Lord will pursue the guy that she is dating and bring him to salvation.
Bottom line is that both of them need a revelation of truth.
One for direction and one for salvation.

Back to the message Matt gave tonight-
Submission is a beautiful thing. It is an honor. It is a priviledge.
If he is going to give his life for me- then i am going to follow him wherever he goes.

I could say much more about this but i am getting tired and have a ton to pack for the retreat.

signing off for tonight- deeply burdened

The man of my dreams

My handsome husband and father of my boys.

Hungry Cowboy

What do cowboys eat? Hotdogs, cheese, and grapes!

Baby Caleb

I love being his Mommy!!!!

Brothers



They are soooo cute!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

My Parking Lot Encounter

So, I had just finished eating lunch with the staff at Cracker Barrel and thought that I would make a quick stop to browse the flea market across the street.

Josh and Caleb are doing great- we're sporting in the double stroller making our way through the isles. Josh and I are having sweet conversations- you know, about colors and toys that we see along the way. I am feeling pretty much like supermom.

I completely had things under control- not to mention the compliments of everyone who passed by me- commenting on my sweet little angels. I was quite the proud mother.

So we are at the back of the store (what used to be a Walmart) and sweet cheeks (Caleb) starts crying. It dawns on me that he's getting hungry and that I don't have a bottle. (This is not a good situation) To make matters worse I didn't have time (b/c Caleb was really getting loud) to stop and buy the toy that Josh was playing with- so I had to take it away from him or chance getting put in jail for stealing a used cash register toy that was $2.00. Honestly this was a hard decision! So wouldn't you know he was not real pleased with my decision. So he started in. Whining and then crying. My little angels- still angels mind you- just not very happy ones.

I am making a mad dash to the car- trying to avoid all the stares from all the people that are now annoyed with me.

Out the front door I go into what felt like 100 degree weather in my sporty double stroller- which at this point I am dreading having to deal with getting it back into the trunk.

Both babies screaming, everyone's burning up, the cars hot, Josh won't sit in his seat, Caleb won't keep his pacifier in his mouth, I can't get the stupid stroller in the trunk and parked across from me is an old beat up van with an old big black woman watching this whole scene.

I am trying my best to get everything packed up in a hurry and she says to me........ (if you have seen the diary of a mad black woman then you've got the right picture in your head)........."Give me one of them babies, it don't look like you know what your doing!"

As if I have time to converse in these moments! Thankfully what she said did not register and I just laughed it off and replied "there just in need of naps".

So I am driving back to the apartment- we still have 15 minutes left to go and yes both babies are now crying at the top of their lungs and it starts to register with me what she actually had the audacity to say to me! The nerve!!

Again here I am with a very crucial decision to make. Do I continue on my way home to find some relief from all of the crying or do I go back to the parking lot, make that woman get out of her car and show her what a mad white women looks like!!

Needless to say the old dead April was wanting to raise up out of the coffin!!

Fighting, stealing- I know all shocking to you, I am sure.

So I carried on my way, stressed out to say the least, vowing never to go on anymore outings with the children again.

Caleb got fed and Josh found a different toy and took a nap.
I however was reaching my limit of stress.
My previous days had been much the same, minus the dear woman, bless her heart.

My wonderful husband had been sensing a little edge on the mother of his children and thankfully decided that it was time to intervene. So this morning he told me that he would keep the little cherubs until 12:00 so that I could get out all by myself. FREEDOM!!!

I was out of the house by 8:30.
Shopping and a pedicure did just the trick!
It's amazing- you will see when you become mommies- 3 hours of alone time out of the house will last you about 3-4 weeks of not having any time to yourself.

12:00 came around and I couldn't wait to get home to my 3 men, ready to engage their hearts, and to be wife and mommy again.

So where was Jesus in all of this??
in every little detail.

-He was at lunch with the staff allowing me to have great fellowship and conversation.
I needed that.

-He was at the flea market with me watching me enjoy the "hunt for a treasure"
He knows that I love that.

-He was there when the babies started crying and heard me whisper
"Jesus please get me out of hear as fast as possible"

-He was there in the parking lot when I was completely stressed and he heard the words that the enemy tried to use to crush my spirit through an innocent bystander who had no idea how the enemy was intending to use her to steal my joy.

-He was there in the car on the ride home when I lost it with Josh and yelled back at him trying to get him to cooperate. He was there to quickly and gently remind me that his power is perfected in my weakness. And right then and there I was weak. He was there in the car accepting my confession of weakness and he responded when I asked him to be tenderness through me to my sweet baby boys who were incredibly needy.

-He was a husband to me through Matt who saw my need to get away and to be alone.

-He was there at the nail salon asking me to pray for the Vietnamese people doing my nails who had shrines to Buddha.

-He was there when I went shopping and again enjoyed watching me get excited about all the sales that I found.

-He was there in the dressing room encouraging me in the things that fit and also letting me know that it was ok when things did not.

-He was in the car ride home welling up inside of me excitement to see my family and confirming that he would do it all through me.

So there you have it. My encounter in the parking lot.

I am discovering that the bottom line is this:

He is everything to me! He IS life! Nothing makes sense without him. If he's not in every detail of my life then I want to cease to exist! I need to know that there's a bigger picture and I need to know that He's it!

signing off for tonight..........Life as he lives it